Sometimes I think I should just delete Facebook altogether. I was just on there and saw yet another pregnancy announcement. I happen to know that this woman is happily married; I don't know whether the pregnancy was planned or not. I saw the announcement and my heart just fell. I know this makes me seem like a horrible person, but I can't help how I feel. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness, but I long for the day when I'll be able to make that announcement to friends and loved ones. This person is aware of my own struggles to conceive, and never once has she mentioned trying to get pregnant. In fact, it always seemed that having children right now was the last thing on her mind. Guess I was wrong...In all our talks, why would she have never mentioned trying to get pregnant herself? That is what what leads me to believe that this was an unplanned pregnancy. Surely she would have confided in me had she been trying, right? At least this is not another teen pregnancy or some crack whore who is completely ill-equipped to care for a child. This woman is happily married, and she and her husband can provide a stable, loving home for any child. I have no doubt that they will be wonderful parents. Still, I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I guess that makes me selfish. Why is it so easy for some women to get pregnant, and yet so hard for others? It just doesn't seem fair. Honestly, at this point, I wonder how any woman actually manages to get pregnant. I guess some are just luckier than others. But then I wonder, "where is my luck?" "what is wrong with me?" Am I a bad person?" "am I being punished?" "why hasn't it happened yet?" These are the questions I ask myself every day. It would be one thing if it was just me in this, but my husband shouldn't have to suffer for my shortcomings. I know he doesn't see it this way, but again, I can't help how I feel. I feel like I'm holding him back from being the wonderful father he deserves to be and I hate it!
In other news, I think I may have spoken too soon about the Met not being so bad. I am still having stomach issues and have been experiencing nausea on and off over the last few days. It would be one thing if it was due to pregnancy, but I know it's just the meds. I remain hopeful that the meds are doing their job, but the doubt still creeps in and I fear it may never work. When I start to feel this way, my anxiety level goes way up and I feel like all the oxygen has been sucked from the room and I can't breathe. I try my best to keep the negative thoughts at bay, putting on a brave face that exudes optimism, but it has been difficult to say the least.
Okay, enough of this "woe is me" pity party i've got goin' on. Need to get out of this funk!
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Your most defentely not a bad person. I felt like that too, and I must say I still do feel a bit weird towards people that get pregnant so easily. it isn't really fair. I havent forgotton how hard it was for me. After 2 and a half years it finally worked for me and i have every hope it will happen for you. Patience is hard, all this hard work to conceive is hard, but believe me its so worth it. hang in there. Some people will just never understand what it is all like to struggle. You will be stronger for it!
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