The road ahead...

So, went to my follow-up appointment with obgyn yesterday and the news was very good! Doc said that he was "very pleased" with what he saw on the D&C. Normal looking uterine cavity, normal thickness of lining, and tubes nice and open. No evidence of cancer on uterine scraping, and pap came back normal! He said I can now rest assured and breathe a sigh of relief that physically everything is fine and can be ruled out as a cause for my inability to get pregnant. I honestly cannot express what a relief it was to hear these words. After over a year of worry and fear I can now be completely secure in the knowledge that my reproductive organs are fine. This is huge news! It really feels as though I have finally been unburdened of the huge weight I have been carrying for over a year. I now feel lighter both mentally and spiritually. I now know that the things I need to conceive, and nurture a healthy, developing baby are all in working order. This is wonderful news and honestly means the world to me! I know that somebody upstairs is on my (our) side and looking out for me (us). I don't deserve it, but I know it's true.

So, the plan now is to do two months of birth control and see how that works out. The hope is that the BC will "trick" my body into doing what it needs to. I wish there was another way to regulate my cycle but apparently this is the only option available. I (we) are not thrilled about losing two months of potential baby-making time; but hey, it could be worse and will all be worth it in the end.  After the two months of BC we will begin something to help with ovulation. Doc said we have a little bit of a road ahead, but I know it is a road filled with hope! :-)

P.S. I have the best obgyn in the world! He was even nice enough to prescribe some antibiotics for this cold that's been kicking my ass!

Playing the waiting game...again!

If I can just make it through this week. Repeat until insane...

The miracle of life is a beautiful thing...

A very dear friend of mine gave birth to two beautiful baby girls today. She struggled through years of infertility and is now blessed with not one, but two babies! She has endured things I couldn't imagine (and hope I don't have to). All the years of hard work, pain, and anguish have finally paid off, though, as she and her husband are now blessed with TWO precious miracle babies! I am being sincere when I say that words cannot adequately express how truly elated I am for her. It has been a long journey to get where she is today. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 8 months, but my process has only begun. I know it is nothing compared to all she has gone through. She has been a dear friend, and a great support during my own time of need. I mean what I say when I say that truly, no one deserves motherhood more than this woman.

So, is it bad to say that despite my overwhelming happiness and excitement for her, I feel a twinge of sadness for myself? This makes me feel like a bad person, and an even worse friend. I don't begrudge my friend one moment of the happiness that I know she fought so hard for; at the same time, though, that baby envy just has to rear its ugly head. I suppose it's only natural, and maybe I shouldn't beat myself up, but having these feelings makes me feel like a selfish prick. My happiness for my friend is completely genuine and comes from the depths of my heart. As any woman longing for a child, however, I can't help but ask myself, "when is it going to be my turn?" It was a long, hard battle, but my friend fought and won at the end of the day, so I will keep fighting for my dream of motherhood just the same. If nothing else she has set a truly great example for me. I have never seen someone with more perseverance, more determination, than her. No one deserves to hear the word "mom" more. I just continue to hope and pray that such a title is in my near future as well. :-)

Random Thought. #2...

I would be one happy girl if I would just stop bleeding...ugh!

Another Hurdle Jumped...

Made it through the D&C and hysterscopy with flying colors yesterday. Doc said everything looks good. Now begins the wait for my follow-up appointment in 2 weeks. Praying for good results on pap and uterine scraping. Besides a little spotting I am of the good. Hoping I am done being poked and prodded for a while, as it seems these past few weeks have involved so much of that. My left arm contains a giant bruise courtesy of the IV site - ouch! Can't wait to get approval from my doc so hubby and I can get back to baby-making again. :)

Random Thought....

Would it be weird to say that every time I get my period I feel as though I am mourning the loss of a potential life? I go through this same dance every month. Before I get my period I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I am pregnant. Once Aunt Flow arrives, however, all hope vanishes once again...

dkfddkfdsfkgmxgxkfgxfkg.....

And I'm starting my period...what a gorram mess! Looks like I'll be going through with this procedure after all, as I guess I can forget about the possibility of being pregnant. Yep, just another month of missing the mark. Really sucks. :( You'd think I'd be used to disappointment by now...