Sayonara BCP and Boycotting Mother's Day

So, I don't get a baby for Mother's Day, I get a period. Boy, way to rub salt in an already open wound. As if I really needed this reminder that I am not yet a mom. Thanks a lot universe, for having a laugh at my expense.

In all actuality I know I cannot "skip" Mother's Day, as much as I would like to. No, we still have to celebrate with my mother and grandmother, and my MIL as well. I wish I could just treat this day like any other, but that isn't going to happen.

DH tells me I have a "bad attitude." Well, I'm sorry but I can't help the bitterness and resentment I feel. This is my first Mother's Day since we started trying and I'm having trouble dealing, so sue me! For the last few years I have dreaded Mother's Day, this is nothing new. But since we started TTC, I find that those feelings have only grown in intensity. I hate it when someone makes me feel as if I'm not entitled to my feelings.You'd think he could find it in his heart to be more understanding, more compassionate, but I guess not....

In other news, I am now finished with my two months of BCP. I will take my last folic acid (sugar) pill today (bring on the period!). This means goodbye unexpected breakthrough bleeding, yucky discharge (sorry, TMI), annoying acne and cramps, and most importantly, goodbye to sex with zero chance of pregnancy. Unless of course my OB/GYN decides I need another month of BCP, which I really hope is NOT the case.

I am sure he has my lab results by now as well. I really hope it isn't bad news,  but I guess we'll see come Tuesday...

Period from heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell!!!

So obviously I'm not pregnant but at least I'm going to the doctor next week so that's a plus I guess. Figures my period would finally show up after 4 months of nothing right before I go to the doctor...and boy has it come back with a vengeance! I had menstrual craps from hell this morning that left me hunched over in pain, feeling as though I was going to both puke and pass out simultaneously (Well, actually the cramps started last week, sore breasts, the whole bit, thought I might be pregnant but, nope). I realize that none of this is normal mind you, but thanks to the miracle that is Advil all the pain is now gone..at least temporarily. On the bright side, now that I've gotten my period, I can finally use the fertility and ovulation tests I have been hanging onto for months. I realize that's it's probably a moot point as my pattern of going months at a time without a period likely suggests that I am not ovulatory and/or fertile but still. I paid for them so I'm damned well going to use them; plus the results will hopefully provide valuable information for my doctor and thus point us in the right direction.  More on that later...

I suppose it's a good thing I finally got my period as I was afraid my doctor would need to give me a pill to make me start and I was concerned about possibly bleeding to death. Now nature is doing all the work on its own...yay! I am bleeding rather heavily but I figure this is my body's way of ridding itself of the gunk that has just been sitting inside my uterus for the past 4 months (I know, gross but true). At the very least this probably suggests that I am not menopausal so that I can be happy about. I have never gone any longer than 4 months without a cycle so any longer and I would really start to get concerned. At this point I am hoping for a diagnosis of PCOS and nothing worse. Though, PCOS is bad enough so if it's something more minor that would be great too. Of course, I was hoping the absence of menses was because I was pregnant despite home tests saying to the contrary, though I guess that ship has sailed for now...

At this point I am just trying to remain grateful for the fact that I can finally go to the doctor (thanks to my hubby and his wonderful job with great benefits) so that we can get this mess sorted out and be on our way to getting pregnant! Yes, I shed a few tears today, but overall instead of worrying and getting upset, I am choosing to be hopeful and optimistic in the knowledge that answers will soon be on their way...