45 Days...

Okay, so this cycle turned out to be 45 days long (previous one, with BCP, was 35 days). I know a 45 day cycle is still out of the realm of normal, but considering I've had a 160 day cycle before, I think 45 days is doing pretty good! And, this is my first "all natural" cycle since going off BCP. I have only been on the Met for a month, so I need to give it some time. Right now, I am pleased as punch just to be responding to it at all. It's nice to feel like a woman again. :)

Good News and Bad...

 The bad news, what I thought (hoped) was implantation bleeding was definitely NOT implantation bleeding. Nope, AF is here and has settled in for a nice week-long stay. I can't say I'm surprised by this, nor am I really all that upset. In a way it's good news because this is my first natural cycle since going off the 3-month round of BCP. Speaking as a woman who tends to go months without a period, I think this is definitely something to be excited about. Maybe the 3-months of BCP and the Met are doing the trick to get my body regulated and doing what it's supposed to do; this is only a good thing. If we can get my cycles regulated, then I can O more regularly and therefore have a better chance of getting pregnant. So we missed the mark this time, at least we know that I definitely did O. We'll just have to wait AF out and then start fresh next cycle, with renewed hope. And it will be even better because next cycle we will be all settled in to our home. Less stress = greater chance of getting pregnant. Yes, I will have classes to contend with but I will manage. So, despite feeling a little disappointment today, I really am optimistic about the future. It's so wonderful to feel like my body isn't a failure.

P.S. Update on the house: Painters are there today through Friday, carpet is getting installed Monday. We can start moving things in any time after Monday. Sooooooo excited! Can you tell? :D

Frustrated!

I had originally intended for this post to be of a happier tone, but sadly, that is no longer the case. We were all set to close on our house today, but we received word yesterday afternoon that due to a delay with the title company, that would not be possible. To say that we were/are disappointed is an understatement! So, we are now on our 3rd closing date, the first one being April 29th, then May 20th, and now May 27th. They "claim" they should be able to have everything done and be ready to close by Monday or Tuesday of next week, but honestly, at this point, I am having A LOT of trouble putting any trust or faith in these people. It seems throughout this entire process we have been treated very unprofessionally, it is simply unacceptable. I have counted down to this day for WEEKS, and now it isn't going to happen. Such a letdown and sooooooooo disappointing! For those of you who have never bought a house before or are thinking of buying one in the future, be forewarned, it's a pain in the ass! I wish somebody had told us what we were in for when we started this journey. I keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it once we have the house, but it seems that day keeps eluding us.

On a more positive note, for the past several days I have been scouring the internet looking for success stories of Metformin and TTC - forum posts, YouTube videos, whatever I can get my hands on! To read such stories and to know that Metformin has aided so many women in conceiving gives me a sense of hope and optimism, something I never really had until now. I tell DH that we need to start looking at baby stuff now, because I am confident that it will happen soon! So confident in fact, that I actually want to go down the baby isle. I actually want to spend hours on the internet looking for nursery decorating ideas, etc. I figure, hey, if it worked for all these other women, why not me, too? It's great that I am feeling all these good vibes when it comes to conceiving (kind of a new venue for me), but then I ask myself, am I naive to put so much hope into a single drug like it is some miracle? But maybe it is our miracle. Maybe the Metformin will be all I need to finally conceive our child. But for all the positives of Metformin, there is a dark side as well. I'm talking side-effects. I have read so many horror stories about side-effects that now, despite excitement, I am nervous to start the medication. GI disturbances seem to be the biggie. Yuck! Not good.  But I just keep telling myself that any amount of side-effects will be totally worth it if this helps us to finally get pregnant! And If it doesn't work like I hope, I keep telling myself not to get discouraged if I don't get the results I want right away, there will be other options. I will take the Metformin for 3 months and if I am not pregnant by then, doc and I discussed pairing Clomid with it next. If I have to use Clomid then fine, it will just give my body that extra boost it needs, giving us an even greater chance at success!

So, that's what's been going on in my world. In other news, almost done with the first week of my 3rd and last month of BCPs. So far no break-through bleeding, cramps, or yucky discharge. Let's hope it stays this way! I will be so glad to finally ditch the BCP and get back to baby-making! If all goes well, we may even have ourselves a bun in the oven by summer's end! Some women say they conceived within weeks of starting Metformin. I admit, I'm a little skeptical of it working that fast, but hey, if it does, great! I wouldn't dare complain. :)

Sayonara BCP and Boycotting Mother's Day

So, I don't get a baby for Mother's Day, I get a period. Boy, way to rub salt in an already open wound. As if I really needed this reminder that I am not yet a mom. Thanks a lot universe, for having a laugh at my expense.

In all actuality I know I cannot "skip" Mother's Day, as much as I would like to. No, we still have to celebrate with my mother and grandmother, and my MIL as well. I wish I could just treat this day like any other, but that isn't going to happen.

DH tells me I have a "bad attitude." Well, I'm sorry but I can't help the bitterness and resentment I feel. This is my first Mother's Day since we started trying and I'm having trouble dealing, so sue me! For the last few years I have dreaded Mother's Day, this is nothing new. But since we started TTC, I find that those feelings have only grown in intensity. I hate it when someone makes me feel as if I'm not entitled to my feelings.You'd think he could find it in his heart to be more understanding, more compassionate, but I guess not....

In other news, I am now finished with my two months of BCP. I will take my last folic acid (sugar) pill today (bring on the period!). This means goodbye unexpected breakthrough bleeding, yucky discharge (sorry, TMI), annoying acne and cramps, and most importantly, goodbye to sex with zero chance of pregnancy. Unless of course my OB/GYN decides I need another month of BCP, which I really hope is NOT the case.

I am sure he has my lab results by now as well. I really hope it isn't bad news,  but I guess we'll see come Tuesday...