How naive can I be? Honestly, how stupid was I believing now that we are home-owners we would get pregnant because it would just be too perfect. Well, if there's one thing I've come to realize it's that life's NOT perfect, and it's probably not going to happen that way. You would think now that we have a nice home and a room for our baby I would get pregnant, right? Well, if there were any justice in the world it would be so, but apparently that's not the case. So for now I must walk by an empty room every day. A room that serves as a daily reminder of the void in our hearts longing to be filled.I keep the door closed at all times because I can't bear to go in there. We have a nice home for our child, we are able to provide, and above all, we have so much love to give. Why isn't that enough?! It is now Wednesday, hump day (no pun intended), I have made it to mid week. How I got here is anybody's guess. Here I sit counting down the days, hours until next week when i will hear from my ob/gyn. When I will get a call that will either restore some of my hope or further shatter it. Right now the pessimist in me is definitely leaning toward the latter. Honestly, I am just so angry and bitter right now and it scares the hell outta me. Try as i might I know there is nothing I can do to prepare myself for the information that may await me on the other end of the line. He caught me off guard before and probably will again. So until then, I sit. I wait. I twitter my thumbs. I can't decide right now which is worse, knowing or not knowing. Regardless, that info is going to influence our direction from this point forward. Whatever it is I just want it over with. Dealt with so we can process and move on. I feel much better when there is a plan in place and right now I feel so lost. Out-of-sorts. Disoriented. My world turned upside down. I"m struggling to find my footing again but honestly don't know which way is up; if I'm coming or going. I'm trying not to let the resentment I feel take hold and ravage me until there is nothing left but a shell. All I know is, next week can't get her fast enough for me...