Weekend Adventures.

Well, my weekend started out on Saturday going to town to pick out a few outfits for my two-month-old niece for Christmas. Now, if you know me then you understand that me in the baby section of any store is a bad idea. I repeat, BAD IDEA! I can't go past a baby section without getting all teary-eyed. That said, I was understandably dreading this particular shopping trip. I get to the store, venture into the baby section, and am immediately greeted by the most adorable sets of baby clothes and little outfits; it is so bad I can hardly take all the cuteness that surrounds me. As I am pursuing all the baby items, Iam reminded of an episode of "How I Met Your Mother," the one where the gang finds a sweet little baby sock and immediately all of them (most notably Marshal and Lily) are swept up in a frenzy of baby fever. I think it's fair to say that this is an adequate representation of my life right now. Given all the disappointment I have faced in the last 6 months, is it any wonder why me + baby section of any store = immediate not goodness? The past 6 months have been an emotional roller-coaster to say the least. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down, or any mixture in between. I am proud of myself though for miraculously keeping it together in the store. When I got out into the parking lot and into my car, that's when I lost it; I just started bawling. Oh well, at least I managed to hold it off until then, I even surprised myself. Guess I should feel accomplished. 

How could this weekend get any worse you ask? Flash forward to Sunday night. My hubby and I were over at his parents house to see out two nieces  and his little sister get an impromptu house call from Santa. More back story time. My husband has two brothers, both around my age. Neither are married but both have girlfriends (Okay, well, one a fiance) and also children. One has the aforementioned two-month-old niece, the other, a three-year-old. Where is this story going you ask? Well, as you might have already surmised from the situation, my husband and I were the only couple present without children. Yep, that's right! Awkward much?! So, needless to say, I felt uncomfortable, out of place, and sad. I didn't want to be there in the first place but my husband talked me into it. Call me a Scrooge or whatever you like, but I just didn't feel like putting myself through that pain. And I feel that given the circumstances, I shouldn't have to explain or justify myself to anyone. I wish I had ignored him and listened to my own instincts, however, as the evening took an awkward turn I had hardly anticipated or expected, but that is another story for another time...

As I sad in a previous blog, the holidays can be a really difficult time for any couple longing for a child but finding themselves without one. Santa brought my nieces toys and other great surprises, but he failed to bring me what I want most of all. I wanted to ask, "Where is my baby, Santa? Is the stork on his way?" Sadly, it looks like I won't be getting me Christmas miracle baby after all. Maybe 2011 will be the year...

This holiday season I am trying desperately not to become swept up in bitterness and resentments over what others have that my husband and I don't, but I admit it has certainly been a struggle. It is becoming harder and harder to ignore the aching void in my heart desperately longing to be filled with love for a child, our child. God willing, this time next year we will be expecting our own bundle of joy. In the meantime, I will continue to keep this blog as a reminder of the love I have for a precious boy or girl I've yet to meet. 

Happy holidays, everyone!