Why must I continuously torture myself? I am not even pregnant yet and I find myself imagining daily what the nursery will look like, how I will decorate it, etc. I become lost in thought for hours, obsessing over every minute detail. My husband tells me that when we buy our house I am free to go ahead and decorate the room that will be the baby's nursery even if I am not pregnant by then (which I hope and pray I will be). If I chose to go ahead with that plan, I would of course decorate using neutral colors that would work for boy or girl. So, I have spent literally hours scouring the internet for neutral colors and nursery themes. On the one hand, this makes me happy and give me an incredible sense of hope for the future; on the other, it is incredibly painful and makes my heart ache all the more. Does this make me a masochist?
I have been grappling with whether or not decorating a nursery would be a good idea. Would I really be able to handle walking by an empty room everyday? And what if (God forbid) it takes me YEARS to conceive, would my heart be able to take it? Again, it would bring an incredible sense of hope, but that hope would not come without incredible pain. Would I be able to take the constant reminder of what my husband and I are missing from our lives? Would it be worth it? I am not yet decided, guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...
No comments:
Post a Comment