I think the hardest thing about making an appointment with the RE was finally having to admit to myself that yes, I am infertile. Not really a camp I want to belong to. Though, none of us choose this, of course. I mean, if it's gotten to this point I must be, right??? Finally, my worst nightmare is coming true, and I am faced with the very thing I sooooo hoped it wouldn't come to when we started out on this journey. When we began down this path a little more than a year ago I was so hopeful. I am still hopeful, but in a very different way now. To add insult to injury, I heard the news today that Michelle Dugger is now pregnant with her 20th child!! Yes, 20th. I wanted to post on FB about how sick that made me, but I feared pissing off or offending someone. Here, I don't have to worry because this is my private space and I know that many of you ladies will "get" exactly how and what, I am feeling. If I'm being honest, the word revulsion comes to mind. Like so many of you reading this, my husband and I are praying for just one baby, ONE, and she is on #20?! It is sickening, illogical, and downright unjust! I also can't begin to imagine the shape her uterus must be in...

I can't help but think of Bill and Jen from The Little Couple, and the recent loss they suffered. I was so elated with joy for them, and then in the space of the same breath so heartbroken. It just isn't fair. I know that sounds lame but what else is there to say? My heart goes out to them and I truly admire their strength and determination to move forward in achieving their dreams of parenthood...

Interesting that for some of us the hard decisions we make for our children come about even before they are conceived. The decision to go to the RE, to start on that next path, was a decision made for our future child in the hope that someday (SOON!) we will meet him or her. I am scared because I know that once we start on this path, there is no turning back, and I'm not exactly sure what's ahead. All I know is, January can't get here fast enough! I may seem brave-faced now, but the closer time gets I am going to be a nervous wreck!