Wonders never cease....

So, last night hubby and I were over at the in-laws' for a family dinner. Neither one of us really wanted to be there in the first place because it was rainy and wet and we both just wanted to be home, but that's beside the point...Half way through waiting for dinner to get ready, I hear my pseudo-sister-in-law (I say pseudo because she and my brother-in-law are NOT married) say that she would be SO upset if she found out she were pregnant again. Now, keep in mind that she said this KNOWING that I was inches away and could hear her. And thanks to my mother-in-law and her big mouth, everyone in the family knows that we have been TTC for the past year. Seriously?! How do you say something like that in front of someone you know is desperately wanting/trying to have a baby?! Insensitive much?! It took all my self-restraint to keep from jumping up and slapping her. It really upset me and I have already been so emotional lately anyway (think it's my BC). If I didn't know better I'd say she did this on purpose, especially given that we aren't exactly each others' favorite people...

Let me provide you a little back story on my pseudo-sis-in-law. She and my bro-in-law have one child together as the result of a drunken night of sex (sans protection) mere months into their relationship. The two barely knew each other before she announced to the whole family that she was preggers. I was devastated, of course. This was back before my husband and I had started trying for a child of own (we were engaged at the time), but the longing to be a mother was there even then. I think that longing has always been a part of me. Even as a little girl I KNEW I wanted to be a mommy. So, when my pseudo-sis-in-law announced her pregnancy it hurt...BAD! Little did I know at the time, however, that this would not be the last time I would have to go through that sort of pain...Fast-forward to my other pseudo-sis-in-law announcing a pregnancy. I thought, "OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE HAPPENING AGAIN!" I remember as soon as my husband told me the news I burst into tears..I mean, I was in hysterics! It just felt like deja-vu all over again and I couldn't believe it was happening a second time! Same deal as before, she and my brother-in-law had only been dating on and off a few months before she came up pregnant (Seriously?! Does no one in my husband's family know how to use protection?! C'mon people!). My brother-in-law had even broke up with her a few times to date some other skank (and I do mean skank, believe me!) with a kid before he ended up back with her. Smart move on his part!

Now, unlike my first pseudo sis-in-law, I actually really like this one and she and I have a pretty good relationship. My bro-in-law proposed to her and they are supposed to tie-the-knot at some indeterminate future date...And unlike pseudo-sis-in law #1,  Pseudo-sis-in law #2 is a great mom, you can tell she really loves her children and that they are her world...that's how it should be! (she has a 4-year-old son from a previous relationship, the father died in a car accident). Pseudo-sis-in-law #1 is a completely different story! She sits at home smoking pot all day when she should be taking care of her 3-old-daughter! She also refuses to work, while my poor brother-in-law is working a crappy sub-minimum-wage job just to make ends meet!  She is a terrible mother who completely takes her kids for granted, yet she can have them just like that?! No trouble at all...Where is the justice in the world?! She also has a 7-year-old son from a previously failed marriage, which she and the father have shared custody of. This kid is a brat with the worst attitude, and the sad part is that the 3-year-old is turning out to be the exact same way! She is the cutest little girl you have ever seen but her attitude stinks...she wants nothing to do with anybody that's not her mommy! Pseudo-sis-in-law #2 is a great mommy, her 4-year-old son is the best, sweetest little boy!

I bring all this up just to give an idea of where I'm coming from and what my situation is. So, as you can see, both of my brothers-in-law "accidentally" impregnated women they had only known for mere months. This leaves my husband and I the odd men out as we are the only childless ones left. Does this not seem backwards to anyone else?! Here my husband and I are, having done things the right way, and WE are the one's without a child?! Again I ask, where is the justice in this world?! I guess the key to getting pregnant is having a drunken night of sex. Lord knows my hubby and I had our share of those when we were in our early 20s, the difference is we were always smart enough to use protection because we knew that we weren't emotionally or financially ready to have a baby at that time.Sort of makes me wish we had started young, because I know that even at 27 my fertility rate has already dropped...which scares the crap out of me! If we had been stupid enough back then to get pregnant like them, would things be different now? Would I be a mommy by now, or would I still be going through this heartache? I guess we'll never know...Apparently if you have no business having a baby you can get pregnant no problem; but if you are in a committed, loving, marriage, are financially secure, and have love to give a child, it is then that you will have difficulty.  It is just doesn't make sense, and frankly the whole thing leaves me in a blind rage! I feel like a freak who apparently can't give my husband what everyone else already has! And I forgot to mention that before my pseudo-sis-in-law even started, as soon as I came in and sat down in the living room my mother-in-law was asking if I had any news. Really?! You don't think you would be one of the first to know if I found I was pregnant?! I probably wouldn't even need to  use the phone because she could hear me shouting I'd be so over-the-moon with happiness! Plus, she knows I am on the pill until May anyway. Then she said, "yeah, but I am hoping it will happen "accidentally" while you're on it. Thanks mom, way to make me feel even more guilty about the fact that I haven't given your son a child yet. I know she means no harm, of course, and that she is just excited for her oldest son to give her a grandchild, but it just hurts having her ask all the time when my answer is always no. I  desperately long to give him that child, our child...They say good things come to those who wait, well I'm sick of waiting! LOL

P.S. I think my BC must be causing me to have weird dreams. Last night I drempt that my cousin announced she was pregnant...now I'm terrified that it's some sort of sign! God, I hope not! I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but the next person in this family who announces a pregnancy better be me! I am already so sick of being on BC, I'll be so glad when it's over and we can move on.