Need to get this off my chest....

Taking a break from my regularly scheduled blog to get something off my chest...

Some people are just really crappy friends. Hate to say it, but man is it the truth; and as we are all aware, sometimes the truth hurts. Do you ever wonder why you keep certain people in your life? Is it years of history and the allure of a shared past that make it difficult to let go? Is it these things which make it difficult to reconcile the fact that the person standing before you now is a far cry from the person you knew 12 years ago? Do you continue hanging on out of hope that maybe, just maybe, sparks will fly and somehow the two of you will find a connection again? Or, could it simply be that too much has happened between then and now, and it is impossible to get that spark back? Am I living in the past? Trying desperately to recapture that which is lost to me forever? Am I a fool for holding onto hope?

It has been obvious for quite some time, that I care a great deal more about this person than they do me. We all know that that kind of one-sidedness spells disaster in any relationship.Is it time to really give up and move on, throw in the towel entirely? The sad truth of the matter is, this person probably wouldn't even notice or care that I'm gone. For too long she has taken my friendship for granted. I give and give, constantly trying to make a connection, constantly trying to reach out, only to get nothing in return. It's obvious that this "friend" cares nothing for my happiness and is, in fact, threatened by it. Seriously, what kind of friend begrudges another their happiness? And "best friends" at that! Maybe we were never BFFs, maybe it was all just some illusion in my mind. Did she ever care for me the way I did for her? It's obvious this friend has moved on and I have been replaced. Moved on to a better life, better friends, a better family (or so she thinks, and that's the sad part).

How do you just say goodbye to 12 years of friendship? How do you throw it all away? How do you forget the memories and times spent together? How do you forget the past? It angers me that I have so much trouble with this, when obviously it means nothing to my "friend." How do you accept that the person you have loved and cared for for years, just doesn't give a damn about you?

So, I am moving on. I am doing so because I deserve better. I deserve someone who is actually going to check up on me and see how I'm doing, someone who actually cares about what's going on in my life and gives a damn about the struggles I'm going through, someone who truly and genuinely, wishes me happiness and success. As of now, I honestly feel that I could die tomorrow and you would not care. Hell, you probably wouldn't even know because you aren't a part of my life.

I want you to know, however, that unlike you, I don't begrudge you happiness. I hope you find whatever you're looking for. I hope that in time you can get back to yourself, as opposed to the hollow shell of a person you are now. I will not mourn the end of our friendship, because I will carry with me the memories of the person I knew; you, however, are not her. You have become someone completely unrecognizable to me. You are not a bad person, I believe there is a lot of good in you; and beneath all of your pain, I know you have a giving heart; but you are a crappy friend.

You have already thrown me away like yesterday's garbage, so I say to you, have a nice life...