The beginnings of my journey with BC (and other stuff)

Well, yesterday I began my 2-month journey with birth control. I have mixed emotions about this. Hubby and I are not thrilled about losing out on 2 months of potential baby-making. The last time I was on BC I was 23, and I'm worried about possible side-effects. How ironic that from 19 to 23 I was using BC as a means to avoid pregnancy, and now at 27 (almost 28), I am using it in the hopes of eventually becoming pregnant. Oh, how far we've come. I wish there was another way to regulate my cycle, but apparently this is the only option. As my obgyn explained it, he is not able to give me anything for ovulation until my cycles have regulated. I keep trying to remind myself that it is (hopefully) only 2 months and that it will all be worth it in the long run. Hopefully these 2 months will be just what the doctor ordered (no pun intended), and we can then move on to something to induce ovulation. In the back of my mind, though, I still hear this voice of nagging doubt saying, ''what if it's a waste of time?" What if it doesn't work?" "What if there are side-effects or complications?" "What if it just isn't effective?"  If you are familiar with BC, than you know that the long list of side-effects can be pretty darn scary! I just keep telling myself that I was on it for 5 years and never had a problem, so hopefully there won't be any problem now. And besides, this is a very temporary situation. Those 2 months will fly by and then we can get into the real "meat" of helping me (us) get pregnant! I keep reminding myself that my doctor is doing this to help me in the long-run. And thankfully, I have a wonderful obgyn whom I trust and know has my best interest at heart. I couldn't ask for more.

I keep thinking how far I (we've) come in such a short time since this whole process began. I began this journey with fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Through it all, however, one constant has remained at the forefront - my dream of becoming a mother. That is what all of this has been for, and why I will continue this fight in pursuit of my (our) dream of parenthood. In my mind and heart there is no worthier cause. Feelings of fear and uncertainty have now been replaced by relief, joy, hope, and utter blessing (see previous blog). I find that now some of the resentment and bitterness I have felt towards mothers and pregnant women in general has dissipated somewhat. Yes, it still stings when I hear of a woman getting pregnant "just like that," or a teen getting pregnant from a drunken one-night-stand, etc., but the sting is not as bad or overpowering as before. For some women it seems that their husband can just look at them and they will find themselves "with child." I, unfortunately, do not seem to have that "problem." But boy would it be wonderful if I could just borrow even a third of their fertility. Many women take their reproductive anatomy for granted, because conceiving comes so easily for them that they don't have to give it much thought. But not me; no sir, no way. I am so blessed in the knowledge that my "lady parts" are in working order and that my reproductive anatomy is healthy. This fact alone gives me more hope and comfort than I can even begin to describe. I defy anyone to say that someone up there isn't looking out for us. I know that God is in our corner and that means the world to me! Hopefully we can take this as a sign that the "big guy" thinks we will be wonderful parents and hubby and I will be blessed soon. :)

And the blessings just keep coming! Hubby and I looked at houses over the weekend and found one we really love! We are in talks with the bank right now and if all goes well we will hopefully be calling this home! I am already thinking about how I want to decorate the baby's room. :) I can totally see my hubby and I starting/raising a family in this home. I can already hear our child laughing and playing there. One thing's for sure, I know that God has his hands on my (our) life, and that the desires of our heart(s) WILL happen in due time. I hope that in the next few months as I continue on my fertility journey, this blog will take on a much happier tone. :-)