Round Two = No Go

Well, not only did I NOT get pregnant on the first cycle of Clomid, the second cycle has now been canceled due to a large cyst on my left ovary. So it looks like we are sitting it out this month. They said we can still try naturally, but after almost 2 years of TTC, I don't hold much hope of that happening. We will try though, because I would rather have a little bit of hope doing something, than wallow in despair doing nothing.

 To say I am upset about this latest development would be an understatement. I drove half an hour to my fertility clinic this morning, fully expecting to leave with a script for Clomid. What i got, however, was a surprise I'd not bargained for. In the back of my mind I had worried about the possibility of a cyst, especially since my RE suggested it as the reason for my late period. Right ovary and uterus looked good, but then she got to the left and there was this big, round black blob obscuring my ovary.

She wasn't sure and thought it may even be a shadow, so she wanted to get the other IF doctor just to make sure (my RE was out of the office). So I'm lying there on the table, legs in stirrups, my bottom half covered in a paper sheet while I wait what feels like an eternity for the nurse to return with the RE. Finally they make it back. The female RE seems nice, though I have never met her before. We engage in small talk as she preps the "wand" for re-insertion and takes a look around (talk about an awkward first meeting)! She says that right ovary and uterus look "beautiful," but we get to the left one and there again, is the big black blob. She confirms what I already knew at this point, a cyst. I also know this means no Clomid this cycle.

I am freaked out by the blob, though the nurse and RE assure me that it is nothing to be concerned over and more an inconvenience than anything else. I try to keep it together, repeating over and over in my head, "don't start crying, you'll only make a bad situation worse." Well, apparently I didn't listen because then the water works started. Both ladies were really kind and compassionate,  handing out the requisite tissues and kind pats on the shoulder saying, "you'll get there" (they probably deal with crying women every day). I don't think I'll feel better until I hear what my RE has to say. I think I'll call later this week and see if he's had a chance to look the images over, though I don't imagine his opinion will be much or any different from the other RE's.

So, I left the office feeling defeated and here we are. Funny, that today marks the first day of spring. A time of rebirth, regrowth, and new life. It seems kind of ironic, like mother nature is just slapping me in the face. Apparently the only thing I know how to grow is yucky cysts. Will I ever succeed in creating life?

I've consulted Dr. Google and apparently cysts from Clomid are very common. It's just so frustrating that the very medicine designed to help you get pregnant, can actually make it where you can't take it. I really hope it's not going to be one month on one month off until I get pregnant, because that will get old VERY FAST. Actually, the whole thing is frustrating and I don't understand why we have to go through this at all. I feel as though I've let both myself and my husband down, even though rationally I'm aware that I have no control over any of this.

Question: How many of you ladies out there have gotten cysts from Clomid and how often? It really sucks to be benched from this cycle when I had such hope for the second go round!