So, I had my ultrasound done Thursday morning. Miraculously, my bladder didn't explode. They called me back rather quickly and the whole thing took all of ten minutes. My DH watched the whole thing as it was being done. Me, I faced the wall the whole time. Was too afraid of looking and seeing something that just didn't look "right." When we were done I asked the tech if she could tell me anything about what she saw (I knew the answer already, of course, but had to ask anyway). She said she wasn't allowed to say anything (surprise, surprise) but if they felt it was something "worthy of my attention" they would call. So since Thursday afternoon I have been jumping every time my cell rings, afraid it's doctors calling to deliver bad news. And I'm left wondering, what would be considered "worthy of my attention" in the first place? I am so so scared. What if they found cancer? tumors? A mass? Surely, they wouldn't wait until Wednesday to tell me if it was something like that, right? Right?! Suddenly, this whole process is all too real and I can't handle it. There are pictures of my insides out there now. Whatever they found could change our lives, our dreams, our hopes for the future, forever. And if it's bad news, I dunno if I'm prepared to deal with that. I've been trying to immerse myself in work; trying to live and act like a normal human being in the meantime...I think I'm failing miserably. I've come this far, if I can just make it through today and tomorrow, Wednesday I will finally have answers, whether I want them or not...
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