Serum Progesterone level was 32 this time around. I know it doesn't mean anything because the time before last it was 26 and I still wasn't pregnant. Sadly, I don't think I am now either because it's CD26 and I already have symptoms of AF showing her ugly face. I only have one round of clomid left and then it's on to injectables. Honestly, I don't think the clomid is going to get it done, so we're pretty much just wasting time at this point. If the four rounds didn't work, what are the odds that the last two will be successful? Yeah, I don't have much hope. And did I mention we will be starting injectibles in December if everything remains on schedule? Wow, that is stressful all on it's own. Paying $800-$1,000 on meds right in the midst of the holiday spending frenzy. Crazy! Not to mention the fact that my husband will be giving me a shot in the bum every day. Did I mention I hate needles?! Oh, the things some of us endure for our children before we even have them. The way I see it, this kid's college fund is already being spent!

One thing I've realized, I'm tired of not having kids. I'm tired of my husband and I being the only ones at holidays and family functions without children of our own. I'm tired of being the one called upon to work on Halloween night so that everyone else can take their children trick-or-treating. "Oh yeah, let's ask the infertile with no kids to cover for us, she won't mind! After all, what better does she have to do?" I'm tired of making innocent posts on Facebook followed by women asking if I have caught their "condition." The way I see it, this is just your excuse to brag about the fact that you're pregnant and I'm not. Yeah, thanks for rubbing that in. I had nearly forgotten that my uterus is barren. Thanks for the reminder!

I have a friend who recently found out she is pregnant for the second time. She was actually seeing the same RE I'm seeing. It seems like it only took her a few months to get pregnant, less than a year. I know she really struggled to get pregnant the first time around and suffered multiple miscarriages before having her son. She and I both have PCOS. I don''t mean to sound heartless as I really an happy for her. Truly, no one deserves it more. I just can't help but feel, "why not me?" Why am I being lapped? Why am I the one always skipped over? Why is everyone pregnant before me? Can't it be my turn now? Just once, can't my husband and I be the ones in the spotlight? So now my friend has two little ones where I still have none. She was blessed before but is doubly blessed now. I'm sure she knows this, it just hurts that it's not me.

And I hate when fellow IFers seem to so quickly forget where they came from. I am not referring to my friend here, but sadly I know a few women who are this way. Maybe it's easy for me to say now, because I am still in the midst of all the pain and anguish that IF brings, but I plan to never forget the struggle that it took in bringing us to our unborn child. They say that if you have struggled through the heartbreak and disappointment of IF, you appreciate your children all the more. I believe this to be so true!