Yep, this is the story of my life. Not only did the previous cycle of Clomid result in a BFN (as if that isn't bad enough, right?), my current cycle has once again been postponed due to a large cyst on my left ovary. Gee, anyone else feeling deja vu here? So, I got to get up at the butt crack of dawn and drive for an hour to have a minute ultrasound and then hear that there would be no medicated cycle this month. JOY! You know, this one month on one month off nonsense is getting really old. It is just making this whole process take that much longer. How are we ever supposed to get anywhere when it feels like starting from scratch each time? SO FRUSTRATING! I am tired of the disappointment, Why must my ovaries rebel against me? And it always seems to be the left one, too. The right on is too stupid to respond and just sits there doing nothing. Would we have better luck if we moved to injectables or would I still be prone to cysts? My RE has not suggested this but I think we should be our own advocates. After all, who cares more than the couple going through it? My RE was in the room for literally a minute, long enough to do the transvaginal, showed me the cyst, told me my cycle was canned and then left. No sorry, no nothing. I know it's more important to have an RE who can do his job and actually succeed in getting us pregnant, but geez, a little compassion would be nice, don't ya think?!
And to further rub salt in an already festering wound, I found out yesterday that an acquaintance is now 5 weeks pregnant after only one month of marriage. Yep, ONE MONTH! Gee, perfect timing! Must have been all that newlywed sex. I don't even think they were trying and then BAM! She once said to me that she feared she would have trouble conceiving as well Yeah..my ass! She's already asking where to get maternity clothes. REALLY?! She's only 5 weeks! So I did what any self-respecting IF-er would do and blocked her shit from my FB newsfeed. Sorry, if that makes me a bitch or whatever but I just can't deal, especially on the heels of yet another disappointment...and one that is so fresh. I have to do what is best for my own mental health and sanity. I may not be able to "block" some of the clients I work with, but I can sure as hell block someone's garbage from appearing on my FB page.
Oh, and did I mention that June 14th marks two years in the TTC game for us? Not really an anniversary I had hoped to celebrate. See, this whole thing has turned me into a bitter, seething-with-resentment-mess. I'm so ashamed. I swear I am usually a nice person. How do you ladies cope? Any advice?
They always give the spiel about trying on our own on a non-medicated cycle, but c'mon, let's be real here. Without Clomid I don't O which means zero chance of pregnancy, which means no period, which then leads to 10 days of Provera to bring it on. We will DTD, of course, and hope for the best, but really it is just another wasted month in a long and endless process. And the best part is if I haven't gotten a period by July, 11th (CD35) which I won't; I get to take an HPT anyway. Wonderful!
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Don't feel bad about the preggos you block. I have my collection also. I check on them about once a month to see how they are doing. I can't take the daily updates.
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