So the second round of Clomid was unsuccessful. AF arrived today (CD34) and I am now awaiting a call from the IF nurse to schedule an appt for more Clomid and/or to discuss further options. After two failed rounds is it time to move on to IUI? Both times I have succeeded in O'ing on the lowest dose of Clomid (yay!), but neither round has resulted in a pregnancy. I am just at a loss. You'd think timed-intercourse coupled with my hubby's well-above-average  sperm count would result in ONE of those spermies catching the golden prize, but apparently not. I am just soooo frustrated at this point. On the one hand, the Clomid has been a success in that I have O'd twice on the lowest dose (50mg). I guess that is a feat in itself, but what good does it really do if it hasn't resulted in a pregnancy? So right now I am literally mourning the loss of a life that could have been. The blood now flowing from my body serves as a painful reminder of another egg that did not get to reach its potential. My body, my uterus, prepared a safe environment for an unborn child that did not come to be, and now I am literally losing all of that. It just seems so wasteful. There goes a potential life that we would have loved so much. Maybe some think I'm crazy, maybe others don't get it, but this is how I'm feeling right now. With every failure there is a loss of chance, of opportunity, of hope. Are we wasting our time at this point with Clomid alone? These are questions we will bring to our RE. All I know is I'm tired; tired of crying, tired of feeling the hopelessness and despair, tired of feeling like we are doomed to fail and will never receive our happy ending; a happy ending that no one deserves more than my husband. I am tired of feeling like I am the one standing in the way of the AWESOME dad I know he will be.

I am also considering discontinuing this blog. I don't have many followers and no one ever comments, so I am basically just talking to myself anyhow. Plus, with work and school I just don't have time to update like I should. The jury is still out on whether to delete or make private.