Wow, did that just happen?

Took my last provera on Saturday and now just waiting for AF to arrive. I've noticed some light spotting today so with any luck AF will be here at least by the end of the week. We were at dinner with my husband's parents the other day when MIL asked me when my next RE appointment was, how things were going, etc., etc. Not uncommon questions, but what followed next took me a little by surprise. I explained to her how I had to take this month off due to the development of a cyst on my ovary from the clomid. I told her I was taking some meds now to bring on AF and then when it started I would go back in for another transvaginal to find the cyst hopefully dissolved and I would then be able to begin the second round of clomid. Now, as I said it is not uncommon for the topic of conversation to swing toward the subject of our baby making efforts, I take this is a sign that my MIL cares and wants a child for us just as badly as we do. What happened next, however, was uncharacteristic and I dare say, had me a little offended. After giving her the rundown of our current situation her response was, "But do they think it can happen?" Um, I'm sorry, what? Did I just hear that right? This had me completely blindsided! Oh, and did I mention we were in a restaurant at the time?! No, that's not awkward at all... I then told her as best I could that no one has ever said it will be impossible for me to get pregnant, more difficult, obviously, but not impossible. Maybe she didn't mean anything by it, perhaps it was an innocent comment, but I take it as offensive and it is a negativity I certainly don't need. I really don't need to think about the possibility of it never happening. Never is a frightening word, one which I try ever day to push as far out of my mind as it will go. I do this because when I think about the possibility of never experiencing pregnancy and motherhood I start to panic, it becomes difficult to breathe and I feel as though the walls are closing in. So in the midst of all this, when I am struggling with every fiber of my being to have hope and think positively, why introduce such a negative thought to my psyche? Never implies a definite, never means the end, that all hope is lost. Realistically, I, of course, know there is a possibility that I may never experience the joy and wonder of motherhood, but I prefer to think of it as a very slim chance. That day, the more I thought of my MILs question the more offended I became. I wonder, was I right to be offended by my MILs poorly chosen words, or was I just being too sensitive, perhaps reading into it something that wasn't there to begin with? I am going through and difficult time and rightfully, find myself in a sensitive and highly emotional state. I have no doubt my MIL had the best of intentions and really meant no harm, but that doesn't stop me from being astonished that she could pose such a question in the first place; that such a thought could enter her head space. In the midst of all the time, expense, and emotional upheaval, I need only to surround myself with positive and uplifting people; my mental health depends on it! 

In other more positive news, we know a couple, a success story of the same RE we are currently seeing, who just had twins, a boy and a girl! Anyway, the husband told us that they have a leftover vile of folistim that is still in date and rather than simply toss it out as they happily have no use for it anymore, they have offered to donate it to us should we end up starting injectables soon. This is a big deal as I have recently learned that these injectable medications are often $500 a pop. HOLY COW!!! I am so touched by this small act of kindness from people who know what we're going through because not too long ago they themselves were in the trenches. I have come to realize, however, that in the IF world, there are no small acts of kindness. It can be a hug, a conversation, or a simple comment on this blog, every attempt to reach out and connect to someone who has been where you are, means the world! Our friends are a success story, they made to the other side of the pain and heartache that  is infertility and found their well-deserved and hard-earned happy ending. This is powerful and gives us immense hope that our happy ending is right around the corner. It is proof that for every bit of negativity that exists in the IF world, there is an equal amount of positivity and support!