Well, so much for that

Well, took a test this morning, BFN which is just what I was expecting. So why then do I feel so crappy? I called the IF nurse and now just waiting for my provera to be called in. I am just ready for this whole cycle to be over and behind us so that we can start fresh. Of course, I wish I didn't have to take 10 days worth of provera just to make AF show.That in itself is just another delay. I feel like my body is playing a cruel joke at my expense. "Oh, CD35 and no AF, maybe you're pregnant, oh, surprise, you're not!" I've been living the same story over and over again for going on two years now. I am really starting to be fearful at this point that it may never happen. Oh, and did I mention that tomorrow is my husband's birthday? I had fantasized all week about having the best news to share with him, making this the most memorable birthday ever, but turns out that was once again, not meant to be.  He wants to go to dinner tonight for his birthday. I don't feel like going out or being around people in general. But I will be the good wife, put on a smile, and pretend I'm not dying inside. I just really hope this cyst is gone at my nest ultrasound, I don't know what I'll do if it's still there. And now I am feeling nauseous courtesy of my prenatal vitamin. Why do I even bother?  Sorry if this is all incoherent rambling that doesn't make any sense. I'm just not in a good place right now. Hope IF nurse returns my call soon...