Why does my body hate me?

Seriously, Why does my body hate me? After more than two months without a period, I start to think that maybe by some miracle I could be pregnant and then what happens, it looks like AF is on her way. It just feels like such a slap in the face, "surprise! I'm here." I was hoping maybe it was implantation bleeding since all it's been is brown discharge since Thursday (sorry TMI), but the cramps are getting heavier so it looks like it's going to be AF in full force. I'm getting really frustrated and still haven't heard from my gyno, I think I'm just going to go straight to the RE at this point. what have I got to lose, right? And hopefully they can offer me a lot more help and answers than my gyno has been able to over the past year. I just feel so sad and hopeless and wonder why I even bother to think positively anymore since it seems it gets me nowhere. I've tried to believe and hope for the best, but I just end up feeling crushed in the end. I've really got to tough it out because things may get worse before they get better. I just feel so heartbroken, and sometimes the longing in my heart is more than I can bear. There are days I wonder if this aching void in my heart, this emptiness I feel, will ever be healed. Sometimes I feel like the world is playing a cruel joke at my expense; that karma, mother nature, the universe, whatever you believe is punishing me because I wouldn't be a good mother. What else am I supposed to believe when it seems that everyone else around me is popping out babies, especially those that didn't even really want them in the first place, and yet they are able to achieve parenthood so easily. well it's obvious I better go because I am being a Debbie downer. Happy Friday and I hope everyone has a great weekend

I will be spending the weekend playing with my new iPhone 4S that hubby and I got today. The 3GS was good to me for a long time, but it was time for an upgrade. We woke up this morning at the butt crack of dawn and went to stand in line at the AT&T store for about an hour, but let me tell you it was worth it because the new phones are awesome! By the time we got there a line had already started forming and people were sitting in folding chairs camped out in front of the store. Man, people really take the iPhone seriously! If there any spelling errors or things that don't make sense I apologize, I am posting this via the voice notation feature, it's really cool! Well, I think that's about it for now, have a great weekend ladies.

Sometimes no news ISN'T good news....

Well, it has been over 2 weeks now and still no word form my doctor. At this point I am really stating to lose patience (and that's putting it mildly). I called first thing this morning and told the nurse to pleeeease have him call me asap. I know he has been out of town, and that he has a life outside of caring for his patients, but for me this is torture! To him this may not be a big deal, he is just doing his job; but to me and my husband it is everything! I hate waiting in limbo feeling hopeless, helpless, and lost. I just want answers, whatever those answers may be so that we can move forward in whatever direction we need to pursue next. If that means getting a second opinion from another OB or going straight to the RE, so be it. I am just fed up with sitting here doing nothing while time ticks by. DH and I are still remaining hopeful that by some miracle this may be our month, but just in case it's not we need a path ahead. I know I'll feel much less anxious with a plan in place. I need to feel like I'm doing something. I need to be proactive! That's how I deal; that's what gets me through. There is a fork in the road and I desperately need an outline of where to turn next. Help! I can't sit here and feel helpless anymore. DH and I will do anything to get our child, we just need to know what that next thing is. I will do everything in my power to give my husband our son (I say this because I am sure in my heart we are going to blessed with a boy), I just need to know what's ahead so I can begin to plan and prepare for the next step in our journey. Not an easy thing to do when you're unsure of what's coming and things are so up in the air. So hopefully my phone call will yield some results by the end of the day. All I know is, I am done being Mrs. Nice Guy about it. I love Dr. C and have been with him for a very long time. We usually have a good rapport but right now I feel I am being treated very unprofessionally. So I would hate to do it but I will go to another OB if that's what's needed. Hopefully it will not come to that though because I really do not want to start over with another doctor after what I've already been through in the past year and a half. I know it could be much worse, and I pray it doesn't get worse, but believe me I have already had my share of heartache.

On another note, there must have been a baby convention in town this weekend because they were everywhere! Seriously,  everywhere I turned it was babies, babies, babies. It's like I could not escape them no matter how hard I tried! At Target: Babies. Grocery store: Babies. DH and I attended his brother's wedding this weekend and there were lots of babies there, too! I swear, sometimes I'm convinced the universe is conspiring against me. I know it's my baby-brain mentality making my hyper-aware but still, it's not pleasant! Also, thanks to Facebook's new subscribe feature I can now 'unsubscribe' to all pregnant women on FB. This is good because it allows me to keep my page (because I am too much of a chicken to actually delete my account), while not being subjected to the rants of pregnant women all day, thereby fueling my total emotional breakdown.

And while we're at it, could someone pleeeease tell me why my complexion suddenly resembles that of a teenager?! For the past few weeks now my face has been horribly broke out with no end in sight! I am now scared to look in the mirror because I swear every morning when I wake up there is a new pimple! I just don't know what to do. AF hasn't showed since the end of July, so I'm quite sure it has something to do with my hormones being completely out-of-whack!

Well, I think that's all for now. I will update on the sitch as soon as more info becomes available (if anyone actually cares. lol). Until then hope you are all having a good Monday and a great week; it is starting out as a rainy one here. Kinda fits my mood I suppose. lol. Take care, ladies.

~ Kellie