A very dear friend of mine gave birth to two beautiful baby girls today. She struggled through years of infertility and is now blessed with not one, but two babies! She has endured things I couldn't imagine (and hope I don't have to). All the years of hard work, pain, and anguish have finally paid off, though, as she and her husband are now blessed with TWO precious miracle babies! I am being sincere when I say that words cannot adequately express how truly elated I am for her. It has been a long journey to get where she is today. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 8 months, but my process has only begun. I know it is nothing compared to all she has gone through. She has been a dear friend, and a great support during my own time of need. I mean what I say when I say that truly, no one deserves motherhood more than this woman.
So, is it bad to say that despite my overwhelming happiness and excitement for her, I feel a twinge of sadness for myself? This makes me feel like a bad person, and an even worse friend. I don't begrudge my friend one moment of the happiness that I know she fought so hard for; at the same time, though, that baby envy just has to rear its ugly head. I suppose it's only natural, and maybe I shouldn't beat myself up, but having these feelings makes me feel like a selfish prick. My happiness for my friend is completely genuine and comes from the depths of my heart. As any woman longing for a child, however, I can't help but ask myself, "when is it going to be my turn?" It was a long, hard battle, but my friend fought and won at the end of the day, so I will keep fighting for my dream of motherhood just the same. If nothing else she has set a truly great example for me. I have never seen someone with more perseverance, more determination, than her. No one deserves to hear the word "mom" more. I just continue to hope and pray that such a title is in my near future as well. :-)
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