Playing the waiting game...again!

If I can just make it through this week. Repeat until insane...

The miracle of life is a beautiful thing...

A very dear friend of mine gave birth to two beautiful baby girls today. She struggled through years of infertility and is now blessed with not one, but two babies! She has endured things I couldn't imagine (and hope I don't have to). All the years of hard work, pain, and anguish have finally paid off, though, as she and her husband are now blessed with TWO precious miracle babies! I am being sincere when I say that words cannot adequately express how truly elated I am for her. It has been a long journey to get where she is today. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 8 months, but my process has only begun. I know it is nothing compared to all she has gone through. She has been a dear friend, and a great support during my own time of need. I mean what I say when I say that truly, no one deserves motherhood more than this woman.

So, is it bad to say that despite my overwhelming happiness and excitement for her, I feel a twinge of sadness for myself? This makes me feel like a bad person, and an even worse friend. I don't begrudge my friend one moment of the happiness that I know she fought so hard for; at the same time, though, that baby envy just has to rear its ugly head. I suppose it's only natural, and maybe I shouldn't beat myself up, but having these feelings makes me feel like a selfish prick. My happiness for my friend is completely genuine and comes from the depths of my heart. As any woman longing for a child, however, I can't help but ask myself, "when is it going to be my turn?" It was a long, hard battle, but my friend fought and won at the end of the day, so I will keep fighting for my dream of motherhood just the same. If nothing else she has set a truly great example for me. I have never seen someone with more perseverance, more determination, than her. No one deserves to hear the word "mom" more. I just continue to hope and pray that such a title is in my near future as well. :-)

Random Thought. #2...

I would be one happy girl if I would just stop bleeding...ugh!

Another Hurdle Jumped...

Made it through the D&C and hysterscopy with flying colors yesterday. Doc said everything looks good. Now begins the wait for my follow-up appointment in 2 weeks. Praying for good results on pap and uterine scraping. Besides a little spotting I am of the good. Hoping I am done being poked and prodded for a while, as it seems these past few weeks have involved so much of that. My left arm contains a giant bruise courtesy of the IV site - ouch! Can't wait to get approval from my doc so hubby and I can get back to baby-making again. :)

Random Thought....

Would it be weird to say that every time I get my period I feel as though I am mourning the loss of a potential life? I go through this same dance every month. Before I get my period I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I am pregnant. Once Aunt Flow arrives, however, all hope vanishes once again...

dkfddkfdsfkgmxgxkfgxfkg.....

And I'm starting my period...what a gorram mess! Looks like I'll be going through with this procedure after all, as I guess I can forget about the possibility of being pregnant. Yep, just another month of missing the mark. Really sucks. :( You'd think I'd be used to disappointment by now...

Playing Catch Up....

So....a lot has happened since I last updated. Got the results of my ultrasound, all fine there. In fact, doc said ovaries and uterus are "perfect." He even said that if he had a uterus he'd want it to look like mine (yay for awkward doctor humor and compliments). Uterus is perfect size, shape, no thickening of the lining, etc. Ovaries were good except for one follicular cyst. I was assured this was a common cyst that should disappear on its own. Hormone levels were all within a normal range as well (I thought for sure those would be off). So, that's that. Now Monday I am having a D&C with hysterscopy done. Doc is doing this just to rule out the presence of anything since ultrasound was clear (hopefully he won't find anything on this either). Once this is done he will prescribe me BC for 3 months to regulate my cycle, then onto something to help with ovulation. So, that's the plan. As of now we still don't know what's causing my irregular cycles, but doc suspects it may be stress. Is it bad to say I hope I'm pregnant so I won't have to go through this procedure? I hate hospitals. Been a while since I've been a patient in one. I'm glad to have a doc who is being so aggressive in helping us to achieve our dream of parenthood, but at the same time it sucks ending up with more questions. We'll see how it goes...