8 DPO

So I estimate that I am approximately 8 DPO now. So far nothing in the way of symptoms other than the normal AF-type cramps. I am really starting to lose hope. Dr. Google is pretty much my worst enemy at this point. I read about so many women claiming to have symptoms 3-4DPO and here I am 8DPO with nada! Other than the on-off AF cramps, I am completely bone dry "down there" (sorry TMI), no CM whatsoever! Further evidence that we are likely out this month. I can try to deny it all I want, but I see this ending in one of three possible ways: 1) AF arrives before I even have a chance to test. 2) AF doesn't arrive but BFN. And finally, the last option and the one I am most hoping for, 3) AF doesn't arrive BFP! Anyone who has followed my blog at all knows it is not uncommon for me to miss periods (sometimes months at a time, thanks PCOS), but I want to miss a period because I'm actually pregnant. In the Past when I have missed a period, I always get my hopes up and start thinking, just maybe...which inevitably leads to the heartbreak of a BFN. No, if I'm not pregnant I would rather AF go ahead and show her ugly face, otherwise it is a sick, twisted, cruel joke that the universe is playing at my expense.

I don't know how I am going to wait 2+ weeks to finally test. Yeah, I know I could test in a few days, but I have made a decision to wait until after the holidays have passed. The last thing I need is to be depressed on Christmas. So unless I really start developing symptoms I don't see that changing. I am ashamed to admit that I am the woman who continually touches her boobs during the 2WW to see if they are getting sore - so far nothing. :(  I just really hate this. There is so much riding on this because I reeeeeallly don't want to go to that RE next month. I don't want to start down that scary, uncertain path, but if that's where I end up then I guess it's the best place for me (for us). I just feel so much pressure this time around because I figure this is our last hoorah, so speak; our last chance to try naturally.

I was watching a documentary last night about a woman who was 55 (DH 64) and pregnant with her first child after 12 years of trying and numerous failed IVF attempts. At first glance you have to admire this woman's tenacity; she never gave and finally after so many years was blessed with her storybook happy ending - a beautiful, healthy baby boy born free of any complications. Obviously, having a pregnancy later in life brings about potential health risks for both mother and baby, but both were fine and baby was perfect. Now, I am watching this and thinking, "well, if she got pregnant at 55 I guess I am looking pretty good over here;" My 28-year-old eggs > than her 55-year-old eggs. I thought, "well, if she succeeded after all that time there's gotta be hope for me, right? Right?!?!" Then the terror hit and I thought, "God, I hope DH and I aren't still sitting here childless in 12+ years with both our hope and bank account drained. Honestly, even the possibility of that outcome is absolutely terrifying to me! But this woman fought tooth and nail to finally see her dream of motherhood realized and who are we to begrudge her that?!

I continue to hope for our storybook ending...

Poll: OK, so I know I said there was no way I'm going to change my mind about testing before the holidays, but I'm curious, who thinks I should go ahead and test and who thinks it would be best to wait? Thoughts? Opinions? Anybody? I want to hear what YOU have to say...