I can't be happy for pregnant women anymore, even when they deserve it. I can't say congratulations because the words just ring hollow. My husband informed me earlier that a mutual friend of ours is pregnant and my first thought was intense jealousy, resentment, and anger. Followed by immediate removal of her posts from my FB feed. I'm not proud, in fact I'm ashamed, but it's what I have to do to protect my own sanity right now. I'm just so numb to it all. Especially working where I do now and seeing women who really shouldn't have any children, yet some have 6 or 7 that they don't even have custody of. And here I sit with an empty womb and empty arms; hoping, praying, wishing, and dreaming each day for just ONE little miracle. I'm not picky; just one is all I ask.

As for me, I finished my 3rd round of clomid and am now on day 30 of a 35 day cycle. I don't hold much hope for success as I have been having symptoms of starting. I had really sore breasts around CD 23 but that has since subsided (not a good sign). My progesterone level this month was 26 (the highest it has ever been). I was hoping that this was a positive sign in the right direction, but it doesn't seem to be an indicator one way or the other. I, of course, consulted Dr. google and while some women said it was a promising sign, others had higher levels than me and still got a BFN. If I haven't gotten AF by Friday (CD36) than I will reluctantly test, though I fully expect the witch will show.